Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
