Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
