is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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