I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
