omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
