Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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