my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
