we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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