wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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