I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
