I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
