I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
