what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize