I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
honey bunches of taint.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize