he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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