If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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