honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
