I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
