So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i believe in u and ur pee
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
