it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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