she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
