Sacagawea was the original milf.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
