Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
