i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
