i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
