This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
