you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
