So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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