I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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