I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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