Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
