brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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