I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
