it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize