Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
