my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
