When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
