Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
