true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
