i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
