drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
