I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's like iHOP with fire
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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