I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
