wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
