Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
