hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize