You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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