I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
