She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
