I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
