I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
