My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
