I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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