Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
