she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
