nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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