my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
