P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
