You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
