i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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