Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
