never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
