I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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