He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
