My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
