Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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