I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
