he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
