He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
